franzia - 1 beast - 0

Poll Reveals that Americans prefer wine to beer

"In 2005 a Gallup poll revealed that, for the first time ever, Americans preferred wine to beer. This was an astonishing development, akin to Americans jilting baseball for bocce.

Soon after, Lew Bryson, a columnist for a beer-industry trade magazine called Cheers, lamented that beer had "lost its way." Bryson summed up beer's predicament: "Wine overcame beer's lead in the hearts and minds of American drinkers," he wrote. "Forty years ago, wine was mired in a swamp of low-margin jug sales. Drunks were called 'winos.' Now wine has cleaned itself up, with a freshly shaved face and a fashionable suit of casual clothes, and is headed uptown."


(note: i'm not exactly a fan of the way this article is written. wine had a bad reputation? pift! but, it is interesting nonetheless.)

i wonder if she will still be grounded for sneaking out of the house

Officer Shoots Daughter Mistaken for Intruder

"STRATFORD, Conn. -- An off-duty police officer shot and wounded his 18-year-old daughter after he mistook her for an intruder in their Connecticut home.

Stratford police said Tasha Scott had apparently sneaked out to visit her boyfriend late Monday night and came back into the home through the basement."

i hear the secrets that you keep, when you're talking in your sleep

i was sleepwalking again last night. i woke up this morning with my retainers out and my toothbrush on the dresser. apparently i needed a late night tooth cleaning.

i've been known to be a pretty consistent sleepwalker. i've changed outfits in the middle of the night, made sandwiches and even answered my cell phone and had fairly incomprehensible conversations. also, if i have a few drinks, the chances of sleepwalking greatly increase.

i was just reading about sleepwalking on wikipedia, which eventually led to this guy, Dion McGregor. McGregor is famous for talking in his sleep. He would narrate his dreams in a loud voice, and his roommate recorded his night soliloquies. The recordings were eventually turned into an album. Awesome. I am now on a mission to find that album.

check out the fergie ferg!

yoooooo, i had no idea she was on kids incorporated

milk carton!

Laugh Now -- You'll Be Paying Me $300 an Hour to Fight Your DWI Case

Drunk guy, about textbook-toting passersby: Look, baby -- law students!
Drunk girl: What? Where?
Drunk guy: Look at them! Haha, look! They even have books! NYU law students!

--Sullivan & Bleecker

via Overheard in New York, May 28, 2007

leopard wants to spoon... is rejected

Man Wrestles Leopard That Jumped in Bed

"JERUSALEM (AP) - A man clad only in underwear and a T-shirt wrestled a wild leopard to the floor and pinned it for 20 minutes after the cat leapt through a window of his home and hopped into bed with his sleeping family."

making it rain... perverts

McMaster finds more predators on Internet

"When we walked in the building an hour ago, it was dry and sunny skies," McMaster told about 50 law enforcement officials and others at a luncheon in Laurens. "But I promise you out there right now, it is raining perverts. They're all over the place. They're trying to get into your children. They're trying to find them, and they're coming in on the computers."

we did TLC, let's try mariah

maybe it's too soon to debate the glory of mariah carey, but i think it's time to pick her best song. i'm a fan of her work in the mid-90s, definitely pre-glitter. it reminds me of pre-teen summers in buffalo, eating popsicles and rollerblading around the village of kenmore. but maybe mariah isn't a crowd pleaser like TLC. we'll see...

fantasy
pro: the sample! Tom Tom Club's "Genius Of Love"
con: the fact that tom tom club's song is much better




always be my baby
pro: you'll never get it out of your head
con: you'll never get it out of your head



heartbreaker
pro: jay-z
con: the video

on demand impulse purchase

in a fit of sheer spontaneity, i ordered Music & Lyrics from my on demand. i regret doing it. i really do. i was about to order Children of Men but before i knew it, i was mesmerized by the hugh grant.

generally hugh grant cheers me up. i've been a little blue. i needed a little hugh to make it better. but, music and lyrics did not do the trick. the story was bland. mildly amusing at times, but generally disappointing.

honestly, i should have stuck with love actually and called it a day.

i was skeptical at first, but it gets pretty hilarious around 1:40

Employee's Multitasking Doesn't Include Work

poor leno

great song. sad video.

theater

today, i saw the play 9 Parts of Desire at the pittsburgh play house. an acquaintance of mine is starring in it, and she did an amazing job. the play was written by Heather Raffo, an Iraqi-American.

the play is described as such...

"A portrait of the extraordinary (and ordinary) lives of a whole cross-section of Iraqi women: a sexy painter, a radical Communist, doctors, exiles, wives and lovers. This work delves into the many conflicting aspects of what it means to be a woman in the age-old war zone that is Iraq. An unusually timely meditation on the ancient, the modern and the feminine in a country overshadowed by war."

the play is VERY intense. it invoked a lot of different feelings. if you have the chance to see this play, or even order the book/audio online, do it. i am not what you would call a fan of the theater, but i really loved it.

edit: here is an interview with heather raffo

"it got me good"

playlist for memorial day weekend

amy winehouse - rehab
madonna - get together
m.i.a. - xr2
sade - by your side (cottonbelly remix)
queen - bicycle
sister nancy - bam bam
dynamix II - pledge your allegiance to electro funk
cansei de ser sexy - meeting paris hilton

arguably, luda's best work

too bad the youtube version bleeps out things.

cat sexually harassed, grows wings

Cat Grows Wings

"Granny Feng's tom cat has sprouted two hairy 4ins long wings, reports the Huashang News...

Her explanation is that the cat sprouted the wings after being sexually harassed.

"A month ago, many female cats in heat came to harass him, and then the wings started to grow," she said."


man, i WISH there was a picture of this cat.

everyone's favorite story

i met my best friend "B" when i was a freshman in college. we had glorious times together and became very close. in fact, our dorm rooms were right across the quad from one another. so instead of calling him on the phone, i could just yell out the window. it was awesome.

in the middle of finals during spring semester, B said he had something very important to tell me. he seemed really nervous and asked me to meet him outside the student union, near the benches. i thought that B was going to tell me that he loved me. on my walk to the student union, i practiced ways to tell him that i loved him too, just not in that way.

outside the student union, B didn't say i love you he said i'm gay. i believe this was the exact moment when i became B's hag.

everyone freaking loves this story. i just don't understand it. sometimes i hear requests to hear the story... "hey B! tell that story again where lola thought you loved her!" then B will tell the story, and everyone laughs. whenever i pass the benches near the student union, whoever i'm walking with will turn to me and proclaim their homosexuality. it's out of control, really.

so now, you can enjoy this story too.

Little Stabby Honey Buns

Driver Cut for not stopping for a Honey Bun

"The brawl started in the vehicle as the two men were on Highway 3132 heading to a job, Shreveport police Detective Rod Demery said. The passenger told the driver to stop because he wanted a honey bun, but that didn't happen quickly enough."

I Got Pictures, I Got Candy, I'm a Lovable Man

Student: If child predators really wanted to find information about a kid, they don't even need to use MySpace. All they'd have to do is go to the local public library and open last year's elementary school year book...
Professor: Or they could just drive by a school and pick some kid up. You know, the old fashioned way.

--Columbia University

via Overheard in New York, May 21, 2007

what to do

i just booked a very very cheap flight to philly. i'm stoked. call me lazy if you like, but i am clearly willing to pay $98 so that i don't have to spend 10 hours in the car.

i will be staying with this lady. i look forward to seeing cheesy stuff like the liberty bell and betsy ross's digs... then hopefully causing a ruckus in center city at night.

google analytics tells me that i have readers in philadelphia. this is where i ask you readers in the illadelph to offer suggestions of cool places to get drinks.

i probably would have given up after getting struck by lightning for the second time, or maybe after falling in the manhole

Belief in angels proof against lightning, bullets, bats and banes

"She’s been shot at, mugged and has had a bat tangled in her hair... Jeanne Rogers, 58, also has been struck by lightning twice, has fallen into a manhole and off a cruise ship, was nearly strangled, and she unwittingly helped Fred Rogers, the late star of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, get naked."


wait... what?

soooo, have you seen sarah conor?

First police 'drone' takes flight

"Britain’s first police “spy drone” took off from Merseyside yesterday before beginning a three-month trial..."

la da dee la da

ms waters, making homelessness funky.

"DC's a rough city man"

i just spent the past few days in DC celebrating the graduation of my brother stuart. stuart now has a law degree. after passing/crushing the bar exam, he will be a full on lawyer. ridiculous.

highlights of DC.
- the TJ memorial

my digital camera is the hotness.





cafe belga




and of course, graduation

tears

a farewell to WonL/Law-Rah! i'm going to miss your blog!

spin spin sugar

Wednesday One-Liners Lack Human Companionship

Large black man to tiny dog with hacking cough: I told you three times already: Calm yo'self!

--Cunningham Park, Queens

Overheard by: HelloClairice

Woman to dog: You're not paying attention, now are you?

--83rd & Broadway

Woman to her two dogs: Sit down... And don't steal anything.

--Pet store, Park Slope

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Woman to dog barking at passerby: No, that's not appropriate.

--70th & Amsterdam

Man to dog: J-Lo, come here!

--Union Square Dog Run

Overheard by: Buns

Little boy holding a Dachshund: Too many weenies! Too many weenies, Mister Weenie!

--Daschund Day, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: rpk

Toothless man on bike to Shih Tzu: You gotta watch out! Have some human food. Eat at a Chinese restaurant. You a classy dog!

--10th & 6th

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

via Overheard in New York, May 16, 2007
And that's it!

Guy Kite-Surfs to Work

kite surfing? this guy rules.

wait for it....

Biggie Smalls defined the art of lobbying perfectly.

(taken from a conversation with stuart regarding my lobbying internship)

Biggie Smalls:
Ask what your interests are, "who you be with"?
Things to make you smile, what numbers to dial
You gon' be here for a while, I'm gon' go call my crew
You go call your crew
We can rendezvous at the bar around two

Lobbyist:
Do you like golfing? Are you married?
What's your office number? How long is your elected term?
I'll call my organization, you can call your organization
And we'll send you tickets to the US Open on June 2

yoooooooo

bigger picture found here

Brilliant plan

Step 1: Rob Bank.
Step 2: Turn self in.
Step 3: Collect reward money.


Woman turns self in for bank robbery, asks for reward

shenanigans

my office building is sandwiched between the baseball stadium and also the football stadium. there is always a fair share of tailgaters, autograph seekers and general shenanigans going down.

sometimes i get out of work to find a beer tent set up next to my car. people sometimes even offer me a cold one after a long day. it's nice.

however, my favorite shenanigan was last summer... when the Budweiser Clydesdale's had a makeshift stable in our employee parking lot.

the littlest things that take me there

If Someone Wanted To Publish My Blog Entries For Money, I Wouldn't Say No

corporate takeover

my summer internship started as of 9am this morning. i've gone corporate. i anticipate that the wunderkinds in the IT department are gonna be all up in my businesses for logging into blogger. and posting. shame.

3 hours of work down. a million more to go.

cute baby. cute cobra?

excellent times to break into my apartment and steal my justin timberlake bobblehead

heads up.

- DC: may 18-21, stuart gets a fancier nightgown and a tassel hat

- philly: june 1-3, visit shelby

- philly: july 6-8, nate mars rips up the decks at a big fun party

- buffalo: july 13-16, mom has a birthday

- nyc: aug 9-maybe i won't leave, the rapture and daft punk at cooney island

number 1 summer jam?

the hot weather has hit, which means a summer mix 2007 must be created. last summer resulted in the glorious creation of "lying hips: ballads of a promiscuous bork", a mix that will be hard to top. it included promiscuous, ridin dirty, lying hips, gasolina, bunadelele baile jean, dani california, sexy back, ldn, crazy, galang...

where to start?

rihanna- umbrella



paul wall - i'm throwed



any suggestions? please submit.

That's Good Luck in Some Cultures

Dude: On the full moon he's going to sprout Lee Press On nails!
Chick: I can't believe he got bit by a tranny...

--Union Square

via Overheard in New York, May 11, 2007

<3 clinton <3

oh cheap gin. how you smite me.

i went out with the graduate students last night. i do not believe that i made any "mistakes" or alienated anyone. (0 phone calls made at 2am, 1 text made to stuart regarding modeling) i did, however, manage to tell the brown and sticky joke.

a love letter to my arch nemesis, the apple store guy

dear apple store worker who openly mocks my stupidity,

i think i love you. i bask in your delightful banter. those precious little nike high tops you wear? the bowl cut that you part down the middle? i adore you. i saw you grimacing at me through the corner of your eye as you saw another apple store helper tending to my idiotic questions. i dare say you were jealous. please look past my technological ignorance and let's run away together.

xoxoxoxoxo
lola

can't get this song out of my head

musings on moving

spring and summer make me exponentially happier than the other seasons. the warm weather, the flowers, the smells, the people walking around happy. it's really lovely. my allergies may hate it, but thank goodness for claritin. (that way i can stick my head in a bush of lilacs and not die.)

anyway, i've been in inclement weather my entire life. i grew up with lake effect snow in buffalo and now deal with the sporadic, schizophrenic weather of pittsburgh. i think it might be time to go south... or west. i need sun. pittsburgh is for vampires.

stranger than fiction

i just watched Stranger Than Fiction. i cried like a baby. a baby.

the movie was very entertaining. reviewers said it was boring, but i have to disagree. i was even amused by dustin hoffman. i usually hate that guy. (i'm still angry at him for trying to steal peter pan's kids in Hook.)

anyway, go see it. it's definitely worth it. although it did make me want to eat cookies.

what have you been listening to?

paul wall - i'm throwed
da shop boyz - rock star
tupac - ambitions as a rider
cansei de ser sexy - let's make love
timbaland - laff at em
m.i.a. - sunshowers (diplo remix)

Dustin Diamond, Is That You?

Thug #1: You a Zack Morris-lookin' motherfucker. Show him your gun.
Thug #2: We can be your body guards... Fuck up AC Slater for you.
Thug #1: Word. Get us some fine white bitches with Zack Morris.

--Alley next to Hogs & Heffers

Overheard by: Time to Call Mr. Belding

via Overheard in New York, May 8, 2007

carlton, is that you?

a "new" subgenre of music.

library music?
"Library music are underrated and often unknown albums by funk, jazz or pop composers (famous or not) produced for most of them in the 70's."

Among the library music subculture, you can find the genre of "Businesscore" or "Businessfunk": "The finest über-rare 80s Business-Presentation Funk (Businesscore), propulsive Science-Documentary Electro and Feel-Good Teletext Cheese. May cause mild grinning." You can listen to it here.

so what does this mean?
there is a subculture of people who enjoy collecting rare, obscure vinyl of electronic music that was used in 1980s business presentations and corporate training videos.

yoooo, sign me up! i welcome the obscurity with open arms. BusinessFunk II is seriously bangin. it makes me want to wear shoulder pads and a flaccid woman tie.

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BIIIIG shoutout to the ever amazing chrisflyer for giving me a heads up. without you, i have no content.

nice

the man punted baxter

oh man... the hips. the backup dancers. the joy.

i'm seriously into this dude. and i like that he is referred to as the indian justin timberlake. it pleases me.



thanks to wade garrett

YES.

The Llama Song

self improvement

in a vow to try and become the skinniest possible version of myself, i have done the unthinkable. i will only eat one serving of bread/grains per day. this means i will no longer eat toast morning, noon and night.

goodbye glorious bread.

one is such a lonely number

madonna is clearly my favorite musical artist of all time. but, i've really disliked the song "open your heart" for a majority of my life. why? the video ruined the song for me. the hair. the boobie tassels. the random little boy. conceptually i just don't understand the video. if you get it, please explain it to me.

ignoring the discomfort of the video, i love this song. love love love.

home?

i am very very happy to be back. holiday. celebrate. good times.

broken ass

yesterday, i managed to fall down the stairs. actually it was more like a bounce down the stairs. i'm particularly accident prone. i fall a lot. this is not my first tailbone injury.

i got some xrays today. the doctor said i didn't break my tailbone, but it definitely looked like it has been broken in the past. apparently my coccyx is curved funny from the way it healed and that prevented me from breaking it again.

awesome?? awesome.

what have you been up to?

- sleeping
- walking the dogs
- watching season 1 of the OC (it was $22 at target. best purchase ever)
- made asparagus risotto
- niagara falls outlet shopping
- compulsive grade checking on the pitt website
- laundry
- throwing crap out
- mindless staring at the wall
- general boy related agony
- barnes and noble wandering
- sending picture texts to stuart (pics he cannot view with his broken phone)
- coffeeeeeeeeee

excuses. excuses.

sorry i haven't been updating lately, kids. the internet here SUCKS. it is very very slooooow. so slow that i cannot have more than one website open at a time. if i do, the computer gets upset.

i should also include that the computer i've been using has microsoft vista. vista gets FOUR THUMBS DOWN. that's right. i said it. vista can suck it.

vintage classic?

there is an old blue bike in my garage, and my goal is to restore it. it was my mother's bike, and she rode it in the 60s.

i'm thinking it is an italian bike, as it has "balilla" brakes. google says these brakes were popular on 1960s bikes and also the ever popular fiat. i'm having trouble identifying what kind of bike this is though, as it is simply called the "executive"

the booshes

i am home in buffalo for the week. my parents have two dogs, and they are precious. but not that precious this morning.

theodore forced his way into my room at 7am, stood on me, then stole things from the garbage can. i chased him down and retrieved said garbage. he then came back and snuggled. i got out of bed about an hour later to get water, and came to find that bernard has now commandeered my ENTIRE bed.

but look how cute they are...