Question 3: Pearl Jam

Skottey asked: I like to keep my cheese fresh. I don't know what the guys in the Pearl Jam do with their cheese. Can you tell me what the guys in the Pearl Jam do with their cheese? 

According to Pearl Jam's tour rider, the band requires 1 Brie or Camembert cheese. This is unfortunate, as brie and camembert are soft cheeses with rather short shelf lives. By encore time, Pearl Jam's cheese is old and moldy. Where is the bathroom?



Also this

MTV Shows

Alt+J

just got tickets to see alt+j in march. so excited. 'an awesome wave' has pretty much been on repeat on my ipod. loove.

Question 2: Underwear Rule

Anthony asked: Why is it that women leave their underwear on as if its the impenetrable force during making out? Your already passed it with your hand, but she wont let you take them off to be able to work better. As if the underwear have magical ability to not allow for sex. 

Okay. Well I guess I left that wide open when I said you could ask anything. My recommendation is to enhance your seduction techniques. Perhaps entice your lady to ditch the underwear by humping a nearby blanket. (See Question 1.) You can't lose.

Upcoming race calendar

Mainly this is so I don't forget. 78.6 miles planned!

1/27/13: Manhattan Half Marathon
3/17/13: NYC Half
4/27/13: Verrazano Half
5/26/13: Buffalo Half
11/3/13: NYC Full

Question 1: Cat Balls

Shelby asked: My cat had his balls chopped off years ago, but he still humps things like blankets. Why is this?

Blankets are crazy sexy. However, I asked the internet and it says cats hump to seek attention. So if the internet is correct (and it never lies) I'm thinking your cat humps to entice you to come pet him.

looove

The Question Game

We've played this before. Here's the deal: Ask me questions and I'll answer them. Ask anything you like. The weirder the better.

Feel free to comment on this entry with your inquisitions.

Hearts,
Lola

hearts and stabs 12.29.12

hearts
- 8-bit music (or chiptune) so good. 
- concept baking: pb&j muffins, s'mores brownies, pumpkin pie cookies
- perceptor as ghettotronics
- super snuggle time with mr. wallace
- oh you fancy huh?
- the hilariousness that is the vampire diaries
- currently reading and loving: Regarding Ducks and Universes

stabs
- the fiscal cliff
- sauerkraut
- rude people in bathroom lines
- new year's eve tourists

Into this

Top 5 Favorite Breads

Sourdough

  
Tsoureki

  
Raisin

Naan

Challah

Note: Yes, I have a gluten sensitivity. It may or may not make forbidden bread extra delicious.

Tell me can't you feel

things i'm currently listening to

jessie ware - running



snoop lion - la la la

Notable life lessons from the weekend

- Wherever you go, whatever you do, bring muffins.

- Pickle backs are a deal breaker. Will reconsider our friendship. Pro-pickle backs.

- Go with your gut. But remind your gut that you're about to go to the bar, and any art you buy is coming with you.

- Joining a twerk group is in my best interest.

- George Michael holds well over time.

- Don't waste hilarious thoughts on texts. Tweet that shit.

- After 4am, the number of people on the F train who've peed their pants is Everyone.

hearts and stabs 12.9.12

hearts
- the night bazaar
- setting a new pace record at the jingle bell jog  = 4 miles. 33:54 finish at 8:29 ppm. YES
- cheeseballs and orange drinks at the levee
- getting an early start on new year's resolutions
- awesome besties

stabs
- cold weather, booooo.
- apartment hunting
- odd work requests
-  IV

Diary #18

Lola. Age 10

December 18,1992

Dear Diary,

Name Redacted #1 used to like me. (At least I think so.) He doesn't seem to like me anymore. Name Redacted #2 says that Name Redacted #1 likes me. I don't know. Boys are all confusing to me.

Confused,
Lola


Sigh. That is only the beginning, sweet little 10 year old Lola. If I had a Bill and Ted's Phonebooth, this would be a great moment to go back in time and tell myself to forget about boys and take piano lessons more seriously. Or not to forget to wind my watch. Either one, really.

macklemore

A series of haikus that are definitely about you

VII.

To keep me intact:
Running, Malbec, Wallace, Love
(No certain order)

I like your necklace. Is that the key to your heart?

Drunk History

cuttlefish

actual email conversation from today

shelbs: so i dont know why she sent me this when i was asking about the place in williamsburg [link from broker to apartment in bed-stuy]

me: I think that's where biggie grew up

shelbs: if it's the same block, im in

me: we'll live by the 10 crack commandments

shelbs: this seems like the right direction for us to go.  we did want to change

fruit review

hearts and stabs 11.30.12

hearts
- christmas tree sales on random street corners
- alibi
- fort greene in general
- Parker Station pinot noir
- freestyling off of martha's recipes

stabs
- razor scooters
- excessive (and annual) facebook posts about the mariah carey christmas album
- cold, dark, windy nights
- the F and the G down for maintenance. again. booooo.

- britney. did she even have to show up to the studio for this?

Haikus for yous

Too smart for soy sauce
Too badass for shifting gears
Brooklyn hearts Shelby

Let me love you down

This came on shuffle during a run the other day and it was delightful. Forgot how much I heart this song. Please take special note of the badass 90s drumkit.

Diary #17

Lola. Age 12.

December 28, 1994

Dear Book,

The dentist said I might need braces. That is very bad. I DON'T WANT BRACES! I did nothing today. A boring day. Tomorrow I will do something cool. I'll call Elissa. Mall or movie thing. 

I want a Easy E hat. That would be really really cool.

Love ya,
Lola


This might be my favorite entry of all time (for obvious reasons.) Please picture a 12 year old version of myself, in braces, wearing a Compton hat. Yup. Savor that image.

Happy Thanksgiving, guys

I still love this, so much...

obsessed.

gorillaz - crystalised (the xx cover)




phantogram - mouthful of diamonds




young fathers - rumbling

A series of haikus that are definitely about you

VI.

You say many things.
Like a true politician,
revealing nothing.

Things that got me through 26.2

Starting Line: An amazing Frank Sinatra - New York, New York singalong as they called the NY corrals to the starting line.

Mile 1: High Five from Mayor Nutter

Mile 4: Best sign "If you were Paul Ryan, you'd have been here an hour ago."

Mile 6: Hug from the the best big brother ever. 

Mile 9: Giant Hill? No Problem. Biggie - 10 Crack Commandments

Mile 11: Those ridiculous costumed rave-y cheer people.

Mile 13: Thumbs up from the best big brother ever.

Mile 17: Peanut Butter GU

Mile 20: Drum and bass arena podcast

 Mile 24:  Daft Punk - One More Time

Mile 26: Complete strangers cheering and yelling out my name in the final stretch. Me trying not to cry because crying takes up precious, precious air.

Mile 26.2: High Five from Mayor Nutter AGAIN

Finish Time? 4:08:50. Ridiculous. I am a beast. Can't wait to do it again.

dance pop is good for the soul

Kitty Pryde

But it really doesn't matter, you are radder and cooler
A hooligan and my flattery makes me look like a fool again
You are a tool again, but you're the one that I've chosen

hearts and stabs 11.12.12

hearts
- Salsa verde
- Tame Impala
- Madonna's early work
- Brooklyn Bridge park
- Metrocards that never expire
- My kickass big brother
- Wallace!!
- Iced tea with cardamom

stabs
- Phil Collins - No Jacket Required
- The phrase "snug as a bug in a rug." Disgusting.
- Flaky internet connectivity
- Semi-monthly pay periods. Ridiculous.
- Lena Dunham

love love love love love

Tame Impala - Elephant

Everyone can agree on Will Smith.

Diary #16

Lola. Age 13.

June 21, 1995

Dear Book,

Last day of school. It was quite weird. Anyway when Name Redacted kissed me today it was really weird. It felt like he was going to swallow me whole, his mouth was opened so wide. I'm going to miss school. 

Lola.


I have no words. Nope. None.

 

Thursday Night Links

Emergency Compliment

White people mourning Romney

Infrastructure Policy!

Drunk Nate Silver

Potted-Up

Saturday

Very excited to see Tame Impala this weekend.

Fairly common sense things I've learned semi-recently

- Carry cash
- Urban beekeeping is silly
- Always pee before getting on the subway, don't hold it.
- Bike gears up = hard. Bike gears down = easy.
- Pinterest is basically just an interface for "Bookmarks"
- Pants-wearing is kind of amazing.
- I have a 2-4 day delay in responding to emails
- Don't underestimate the benefit of a quality sock. Especially if you intend to walk to work.

Blue > Red

I really really enjoyed following the election this year. Between the debates, op-eds, endless twitter hilarity, stats and scenarios, I was riveted. Binders full of women! 47%! Sleepy first debate Obama! Nate Silver! Karl Rove losing his shit on air! Amazing. Would I be writing this post if Mitt won? Of course not. I wouldn't be reflecting back on how fun it was to watch the campaigns unfold. I would be crying. But I'm not. Yay Obama!

Things that make me laugh outloud

- You are flawless
- Lincoln
- Sassy Obama
- That Oxford Comma Cartoon


Way more things coming...

A series of haikus that are definitely about you

V.

Rubber bands, she said
They pull away but snap back
closer than before

In my head all day long

George Michael - Freedom 90

Diary #15

Lola. Age 12.

December 3, 1994

Dear Book,

Fun day today. Cleaned house and did Christmas stuff. Had Nicole over. Made elephant hats. Watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Fun!

Lola

P.S. TOOTSIE ROLL IS IN MY HEAD. COOL SONG.


What the hell is an elephant hat? And why is "cleaned house" the first fun thing that I list? That shit sounds terrible. Clearly, I should have opened with my assessment of Tootsie Roll and not made it a postscript.

A series of haikus that are definitely about you

IV.

A bodgega tour
is a perfect distraction
from a cancelled dream.

Happy Halloween, Guys

"Every time I listen to it, I hear something different" - Stuart Firmingham, on Gangnam Style



Note: After watching this, I might be officially sick of the song. Sick of it.

A series of haikus that are definitely about you

III.

If you were a dog,
you would be the kind that wags
but hates ear scratches.

Productive Things I could do during the hurricane

- Finish the purple scarf I've been knitting for the past 10 months
- Finally get around to doing those p90x dvds
- Deep condition my hair
- Write haikus about you
- Google hair color options. Red? Honey Blonde?
- Read all 3 iterations of 50 Shades of Grey
- Sort, shred and recycle old paperwork
- Buy weird shit (christmas presents) off the internet
- Dominate Shelby in Song Pop, once and for all
- Artfully organize old photographs stacked in shoeboxes
- Purge embarrassing items from my facebook timeline
- Create nautical-themed spotify mixes
- Sign up for excessive half marathons/marathons/10ks
- Perfect my gangnam style (Watch it again. You're not sick of it yet.)
- Give Wallace a bath

It's not too late for me to quit my job and become a booty house dj

 Make that booty clap.

Diary #14

Lola. Age 14. An undated entry in green marker. Based on previous and following entries, written sometime in May 1996.

No
seafood
pork
lamb
beef
(red meat)
steak
deer

Yes
chicken
turkey


Hmm. I became a full-fledged vegetarian in 2000, but clearly this thing has been brewing for a long time. It's possible that I simply dislike meat items. As for the list: the "No" column is redundant, but I like that my hatred of seafood is clear. Those creepy gill-havers are first to go. However, deer appears to be an afterthought.

Want

tonight!!

Note:

Eating toast with blackberry jam in bed = lovely.

Dropping toast in bed = blackberry jam looks a lot like blood.

Not immediately realizing bloodstains are actually jam = frantically searching Wallace for a hemorrhage.

Time goes by, so slowly

Hearts and Stabs 10.18.12

Hearts
-  Cola flavored Powerbar energy chewies. Wow, it sounds gross when I type that out, but they're pretty badass.
- Biking. It's rather wonderful and exciting and I want to bike everywhere. I am still a bit of a disaster and lost a shoe in an intersection the other day, but it's okay. I'm new.
- Pitchfork Spotify mixes = the 90s mix is solid.
- Writing terrible, hilarious poetry that my friends claim to love, simply because they love me. And I love them extra more because of it. Looove.
- Spinach salads with all the fixins'
- Anything or anyone that ironically references R. Kelly

Stabs
- People who fall asleep ON ME in the subway. I am not a pillow. Get it together.
- Colds. Hate being sick and unable to smell/taste/breathe.
- Relevant: perhaps the subway sleepers are responsible for my cold?
- Sherman Street = A Courageous Battle against the Millipedes.
- Money. I wish my student loan companies accepted other forms of payment, like cookies and/or beer.
- Binders full of women. Sigh. It was such an odd and disturbing response to pay inequality. It made me think Mittens doesn't even understand the issue. Of course there's a ton of highly qualified women that can (and do) hold executive positions. And they're paid significantly less than men who hold similar positions. It's bullshit. It's about money, not the talent pool. Ugggh.

Books I've read recently

Posting this mainly because I always forget and stare at people blankly when they ask what I've been reading. So here it is.* Enjoyed all of them, don't make me choose a favorite.

Downtown Owl - Chuck Klosterman
This Is How You Lose Her - Junot Diaz
A Farewell to Arms - Ernest Hemingway
The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky
How to Be A Woman - Caitlin Moran
Stories I Only Tell My Friends - Rob Lowe
Under the Banner of Heaven - John Krakauer
The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg
Freedom - Jonathan Franzen
The Visible Man - Chuck Klosterman
Growing Up Amish - Ira Wagler

*Updated.

This is for the Gz, and this is for the Hustlas

This is for the hustlas now back to the gz

Diary #13

Lola. Age 8.

June 28, 1990

My life is ruined because


That's it. I literally stopped writing after "because." Ridiculous.

Music I'm currently obsessed with

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - Thrift Shop




Alt+J - Tessellate



Tame Impala - Apocalypse Dreams

A series of haikus that are definitely about you.

II.

You are not aware
but we are the gunfighters
at O.K. corral.

Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks

A series of haikus that are definitely about you.

I.

In place of your heart
there is a worm with glasses
reading Hemingway.

The Warriors

Diary #12

Lola. Age 11. Excerpt from a very long entry.

April 27, 1993

Name Redacted (male) and Name Redacted (female) have been getting on my nerves. They say my writing is too big and I leave too big spaces between my words. At least I have spaces between them. At least my writing is readable. Name Redacted (male)'s writing is so messy. Also they think they are so cool just because they go to GT. What I think GT stands for is giant toddlers. Really it's gifted and talented.


Awww. Did you see how I tried to get a zinger in there about GT? Kind of adorable. Really like that I clarified myself after attempting the zinger. I still do that.

I should note here that Name Redacted (male) and I had a longstanding unspoken academic competition that continued throughout elementary and middle school. We were constantly trying to one-up each other grade-wise. In retrospect, I suppose that's the reason teachers always sat us next to each other. Anyway, he is an engineer now. And I do math for a living. (At least I'm pretty sure that's what my job is about.)

!!

The Supremes - Remove this Doubt

My Diana Ross kick continues. Looooove.

Random thoughts over coffee on a day I don't have to work

- Just ran the Staten Island Half Marathon yesterday at a ridiculous finish time of 1:55:26. (8:49 minute mile pace.) For reference, in 2010 I finished my very first half marathon 41 minutes slower. Very difficult to wrap my head around that. Bottom line: I'm kind of a beast and I feel ready for the marathon.

- Been watching an (unintentionally) hilarious show about witches on netflix. It is the perfect level of amusement/background noise to watch while I conduct household activities. Also, every time someone says "The circle is bound!" I take a drink. (Coffee at the moment.) It's phenomenal.

- When is the appropriate time to carve pumpkins? Is it time yet? It should be.

- Can't remember if I took claritin last night, but I sure did take one this morning. Someone call later to make sure I'm not dead.

- Had insane dreams last night. Since I went to bed at 9pm, statistically that was bound to happen. 10 hours is plenty of time for that nonsense.

- Diana Ross.

It's worth reposting and repeating, because it's simply that wonderful.

It's decorative gourd season, motherfuckers.

Tell me the truth boy

Solange - Losing You

 Love! Big fan of this track. Great production, and I love love love the timing of the handclaps. Handclaps are an art. There's a great dissection here; however, I'm not as jazzed about the video as the reviewer.

This is the Rhythm of the Night

Diary #11

 Lola. Age 12.

June 26, 1994

Dear Book,

Hi, Well a lot has happened since 5th grade. Now the boys I thought were cute, are totally ugly. I even played "Spin the bottle." Believe me I love 6th grade.

Love ya,
Lola

And so this entry officially marks when I became absolutely intolerable as a human. I blame the raging hormones and the public school system.

Some things to note about this entry:
- I definitely put "spin the bottle" in quotes.
- The O in "Love ya" was in the shape of a heart.
- Believe me? Believe me?? You're a diary. It's all lies. 6th grade was the worst.

Adventures.

Exploring the city is extra exciting as of late. Contributing factors: bike riding and having excellent partners in crime. I cannot stress the importance of having a good partner in crime who is down for whatever. (dfw) Bonus points for texts that says "what you doing? get here." And "here" is awesome.

In a recent adventure, we discovered Uncle Barry's. Great beer selection. Really nice, hilarious bartenders. Outdoor space! Also, they played Isaac Hayes - Hot Buttered Soul last night, which sealed the deal in my heart. Uncle Barry's is my new favorite. I'll be there again this week to solidify my status as a regular.

Walk on by...

omfg

About a Bee.

There was a dead bee on the subway this morning.
A tiny little corpse on the center seat,
with its microscopic legs in the air.

Normally I run from bees.
But I sat down next to it and wondered how he got there.
And I wondered how the bee took the F train during rush hour.

(before work. before morning coffee. before the newspaper. before we ctl+alt+del into our hourly identities.)

Maybe the bee was a stowaway,
temporarily affixed to someone’s backpack

Maybe he took all the wrong trains instead of the right ones,
and just gave up.

Maybe he was simply tired of flying and laid down for a rest,
only to break down.

But you can’t ask a dead thing where it went wrong
Or what it could have done differently.
Or what you could have done to help.

So I got up and went to work.

This.

Diary #10

Lola. Age 13.

May 26, 1995

Dear Book,

Yesterday was one of the weirdest days. First Name Redacted and I started going out. And then during gym there was an earthquake. I really wasn't that scared though. Then I got my period. Anyway, I love Name Redacted. I will never dump him.

Lola


Yikes, this entry is filled to the brim with serious business. I got my first boyfriend, experienced an earthquake, and joined womankind. All in one day, apparently, as I do not fuck around. Also, way to say "never." In a few journal entries, I break up with poor Name Redacted for a drummer in the school band.

“What is feminism? Simply the belief that women should be as free as men, however nuts, dim, deluded, badly dressed, fat, receding, lazy and smug they might be. Are you a feminist? Hahaha. Of course you are.”
― Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman

Na na na na na ley ley

Nelly Furtado - Parking lot

It reminds me too much of m.i.a., even the video evokes 'Bad Girls.' I don't get it, Nelly. But it is catchy as all heck. I cannot stop singing the Na na na part.



Do you remember "Say it Right?" I want that again, Nelly! Go back to Timbaland.

turn up the radio

To be short

I am 5 feet and 4 inches tall.

If I was taller, I'd know the secrets of cupboards.

Top shelves harbor teabags and smuggle sacks of flour

across legions of short tenants.

Tall women can rest upright on the subway.

Ceilings don't have fingerprints, only headprints.

If you dusted the F train for evidence

you'd find latent regret amongst thumbs and pinkys.

We shuffle and rearrange and stack and sort ourselves

until our limbs stand quietly, and our eyes blankly retract.

I stare at my shoes and will my phone to buzz at 14^th street.

Maybe you missed me while I was underground

Oh hey

I'm 30 years old now.

what am I doing?

- sitting in cobble hill park for hours that feel like seconds
- marvin gaye listening and oatmeal raisin cookie baking
- questioning notions of authenticity
- mcclure's pickleback shots
- post 3am choose-your-own-adventures, williamsburg style
- regretting text messages (somewhat related to previous)
- infusing vodka with mangoes
- searching for new and exciting hobbies
- running 20 miles throughout brooklyn and manhattan. (longest distance to date)
- celebrating the last Sunday of my 20s
 - redefining feminism according to caitlin moran
- they've gone to plaid 
- already wishing the summer was longer

super duper love this track

phantogram - as far as i can see

diary #10

Age 13. Lola's first kiss.

June 2, 1995.

Name Redacted gave me a rose. He said he would. Then when we went to say bye we hugged and then kissed. It felt weird. He is sweet.

Wow. Could it have killed me to sound a little more jazzed about my first kiss? Maybe an exclamation point? Some ALL CAPS? Nope. Nothing. Just that it was weird. Poor Name Redacted. He purchased a rose and then kissed me. A rose. At age 13, that is as romantic as it gets.

Things I'd like to discuss further

Harem pants

Nas - I Am...

 

 Pending birthday existential crisis

The popularity of compost piles

Things and Stuff

- How did I just find out about this blog? It's phenomenal. Sad Stuff on the Street

- Caitlin Moran's How to be a Woman is an amazing read. I  don't agree with all of it, but I'm really glad this book exists.

- Just spent this past Sunday/Monday in Philly. Went here, which gets 80 thousand thumbs up. It's hard to argue with an unmarked bar in an alleyway that makes a killer Tom Collins.

- Getting much better at updating the other blog. Or, perhaps I'm just getting more neurotic.

- Friend recently banned the word "awesome" from my vocabulary. Dislike friend for doing this, but he's absolutely right. Goodbye awesome.

- Brooklyn = happy

Epiphanies caused by running

Marathon training kicks into high gear in this month. Ran 18 miles yesterday.* It was more challenging mentally than physically. Based on yesterday's effort, I should be able to finish the marathon in less than 5 hours without dying.**

As a pathological overthinker***, running is the perfect time for me to obsess about things. It is my catharsis. Halfway across the Brooklyn Bridge I had such an epiphany about my life that I literally said out loud "That is totally fucked up."**** My apologies to the gaggle of tourists I startled with my outburst, but I'm sure they're over it.

Anyway, I have a lot of running epiphanies.***** I imagine this is related to why I suck at yoga, because I am 100% incapable of clearing my mind. I need monotonous, grueling, demon-exercising activity.****** Moral of the story? Point of this entry? I'm glad I quit smoking to start running again. 

*The route: Prospect Park, Flatbush, Fort Greene Park, Flushing Ave, Williamsburg Bridge, East River Bikeway, Brooklyn Bridge, Bergen, Flatbush again and finished at almost exactly at home.

**Let's hope.

***This is an understatement.

****So fucked up that I can't even get into it. But I know exactly what I have to do to fix it. 

*****Not all of them valuable, useful or insightful. 

****** Don't we all?

Walkmans and mixtapes

Recently resurrected my walkman, and it's fantastic. Currently listening to my favorite mix tape of all time. (Someone made it for my older brother in 1997 and I commandeered it back then. Never gave it back.) Track list below. This mixtape changed my life. I strongly urge you to listen to Inner City Blues on repeat.

Side A:
Joy Division - Warsaw
The Smiths - What difference does it make
The Pixies - Gouge Away
Beastie Boys - Flute loop
Joy Division - She's lost control
Stone Roses - Begging you
Marvin Gaye - Inner City Blues
Velvet Underground - I can't stand it
R.E.M. - King of Comedy
The Smiths - Handsome Devil
Joy Division - Ice Age
Joy Division - The Sound of Music

Side B:
The Smiths - Sweet and tender hooligan
Joy Division - Digital
Joy Division - Transmission
New Order - Blue Monday
Velvet Underground - Heroin
R.E.M. - Wicked Game
The Replacements - Alex Chilton
Joy Division - The Eternal
Joy Division - Decades

ramblings

I'm not exactly proficient at sleeping as of late. It's probably because Wallace likes to jump on the bed and then off the bed and then back on it. And then he'll scurry around the hardwood floors and ohmygod please just stay put.

The new job is pretty lovely. It is a whole new budget model with excel macros that make my brain sizzle.

My laptop just gave me the BSOD. Awesome. Guess it's time to invest in a macbook.

TGIF

preach it, madge

"omfgsekserhuisfuiew"

the sound of painful cries emitted when rolling out my IT bands