shamwow guy v. chompy hooker = hooker win?

vince shlomi, of slapchop and shamwow fame, was busted for felony battery of a prostitute in a south beach hotel.

"According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue."

Follow the smoking gun link above for mugshot goodness. amazing.

i think shamwow's profits are gonna triple...

he he he

i thought we were lacking in 2pac

happy 5 month birthday, wallace!

today marks 5 months since the little guy hatched. in a few short weeks, wallace (aka humpers macgee)will get neutered. i eagerly anticipate this event. i hope he calms down and stops mating with my northface fleece.

lick em while you got 'em, buddy.

available apt: center city, $1550+ utilities, includes crackhead vomit

around 12:30pm this afternoon, i found a lady vomiting next to the front door of my apartment building. she was a very large lady, and it looked like she had some sort of rash.

my neighborhood is awesome.

what the??

i'm not sure if this is ephemera-friendly material. is this the kind of direction i want to go with my blog? probably not. it's really weird on so many levels. turtles make sounds? what is that thing? what is going on? whyyyy?

turtle rapes shoe

omg yesssssss

see more pwn and owned pictures

green hearts and stabs for 3.17.09

hearts
- puppy day care for entertaining wallace for the day
- the russian lady who does my eyebrows
- remedy tea bar grey and blue: earl grey tea, lemonade and blueberry juice. it's delish!
- renewed hearts for "secret single behavior" (aka things i used to do before moving in with arson zarley.) like listening to nsync when i get ready in the morning.
- pen pals!

stabs:
- arson zarley is away for the week. come baaaaaack!
- the workers at remedy tea bar. yikes. does smiling hurt your face?
- people who ride bikes on the sidewalk. unless you are under 10, it is just dangerous.
- landlords/realtors

it is likely that i already linked this...

but i had to do it again. i can't stop laughing. failblog is amazing.

i don't know where this came from, but i like it

i found this picture on my desktop. i assume arson zarley placed it there. this is the tiniest babiest bunny i've ever seen!

"his name shall be cheesus"

thanks to gawker for this one. it's a collection of newscasters reporting on jesus sightings. pretty awesome.

hearts and stabs for 3.10.09

hearts
- cherry tomatoes
- apartment hunting (although this may move to the stab column quite quickly)
- workdays that fly by
- etsy.com
- running again!!
- cuddles from the pup
- oldschool vids, like shanice


stabs
- lack of adequate sleep
- puppy bites
- capital one, wtf is this interest rate hike?
- odd march weather: sunny then snowy
- getting cornered into uncomfortable conversations
- city of philadelphia. (still hatin' on you.)
- and, doesn't anyone do mall tours anymore?

whaaaaaaat? whyyy?

from boingboing (who claims it is real) i find it suspect yet I CANNOT LOOK AWAY.

items from the street that i have wrestled out of wallace's mouth:

- half eaten chicken wing(s)
- rock salt
- french fries
- hair weave
- pretzels
- dog (maybe human?) poop
- feathers
- plastic pens
- cigarette butts
- red grapes
- napkins
- plastic bags (only white. he is afraid of the black ones)
- concrete rocks

wtf?

nine inch nails on dance party usa. (thanks to gawker) check out those sweet moves. i didn't realize "down in it" was so dance-able.

T.O. signs with Buffalo, yet hilarity ensues...

m.i.a. v. disco dancer

i think i dig the original just as much as i dig m.i.a.'s version. both are so awesome. i especially like the glaring guy in the original. (it's probably safe to assume that's jimmy.) watch the following for disco awesomeness...

m.i.a.




disco dancer

welcome back, warm(ish) weather

it's friday, it's nice out, and we turn the clock forward this weekend. (more daylight!) this calls for a dance party...

half-assed movie review: burn after reading

burn after reading started off on a great note. i dig john malkovich a lot, and his character completely slayed me. (frances mcdormand is pretty cool too.) but i got distracted while watching this movie and eventually fell asleep. so i didn't actually finish it. (besides, i pretty much gave up after i saw george clooney's chair invention.)

anyway, did people like this? is this a "good" movie? should i try again? cause at this point, i'm ready to send it back to the netflix gods with 1 star.

everyone is blogging about it, so why can't we?

the mcgangbang

there is a mcdonald's right across the street from my apartment. i wonder if they are aware of this? it sounds disgusting/epic. it's like the turducken of burgers

how much money would it take for you to eat one of these?



(and ew. i really need to move to a different neighborhood. one without mcdonalds)

hearts and stabs

hearts
- snow!
- infomercials. i didn't know i loved them until arson zarley pointed this out. whenever we watch tv, i have to pause and watch things, like the time life motown collection.
- reading terminal. that place never ceases to please. stuart firmingham visited yesterday, and we had a lovely time wandering the place and eating muffins.
- muffins from reading terminal
- another fantastic episode of tool academy. vh1, you rock.

stabs
- the recession. fix ya life.
- people who spit and throw garbage on the sidewalk. i had to pry a disgusting piece of chicken out of wallace's mouth the other day. one might say "teach your dog not to each garbage off the street" and they would be right. i am part of the problem here. but the little guy is 4 months old. he eats anything. and littering is wrong.
- the location of my cubicle at work. it sucks. i might get less distracted if i moved my desk to the rooftop bar at vango.
- does anyone else remember old britney? i think i miss her. don't get me wrong, i heart new britney. i just loved old britney too.

another heart...